The Woman in Purple (rainbow_goddess) wrote in moh_therrr,
The Woman in Purple


Today, April 5, is my mother's 79th birthday. I remembered this late Friday night, when it was too late to go buy anything for her. There is no mail service on Saturday or Sunday. Calling her is pretty much out because she's deaf and senile.

I hate buying birthday cards and Mother's Day cards for my mother. I bought her a birthday card today; I'll have to buy her a Mother's Day card next month. The thing is, there is no such thing as a Mother's Day card, or a birthday card, that is appropriate for my mother unless I feel like lying through my teeth. They all say things like, "You were always there for me, Mother." (She wasn't.) "You always made me feel special, Mother." (She didn't.) "Everytime I think of you, I get a warm, happy feeling inside" (I don't.)

Let me be completely, brutally honest about my mother. She did not physically abuse me. She mentally abused me. She told me every day that 1) Nobody liked me; 2) I had no friends; 3) It was no use calling anyone from my class at school because no one would want to talk to me; 4) I was fat (when I was 5 foot 7, weighed 115 lbs and you could see my ribs, I was still "fat"); 5) I was ugly; 6) I would never get a boyfriend, because no boy would ever want to go out with me; 7) I was "useless" and "good for nothing"; 8) I was clumsy; 9) She "almost died" giving birth to me (she made me feel guilty for even having been born); 10) I ruined her life by developing juvenile diabetes when I was five years old. Apparently I did this deliberately, just to make her life more difficult.
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